How To Explain Depression To Those You Love
By Kimberly Zapata
When I was 15 years old, I was diagnosed with depression. I was young and naive; I was scared and ashamed; and I had no desire to explain my disease to anyone because I didn’t want others to know I was “sick.” I didn’t want others to think I was crazy.
I didn’t want others to know I was crazy.
My depression was like a scarlet letter — a big and not-so-bright marker of my shame — and I worked hard to hide it. I worked hard to keep it a secret. And for 16 years I kept my mental illness from my family, my colleagues, and my closest friends.
However, my outlook on my disease changed once I became a mother. A mother who struggled with postpartum depression. A mother who was plagued by suicidal thoughts and worries about the impact her mental illness was having on her family.
And a mother who was constantly afraid of how her depression could — and would — affect her daughter.
After a lifetime of secrecy and silence, I knew I had to speak up and speak out — for my daughter, for my husband, and for me. I had to share this part of me.
But how does one truly explain depression? I mean, how could I possibly explain the “darkness” and hopelessness I feel? How could I possibly make someone else understand the loneliness of this disease — how I feel lost even in a crowded room? How I feel lost in my own body and my own mind? How could I make others understand something I couldn’t? (Something I try to come to terms with each and every day.)
And the truth was, I couldn’t.
